The Beginning
1 In the beginning Barbie created the smog and the suburbs. The suburbs were without form and void, and poverty was upon the face of the ghettos; and the Barbie Convertible was moving over the face of the highways.
And Barbie said, “Let there be money;” and there was money. And Barbie saw that the money was good; and Barbie separated the money from the poverty. Barbie called the money “fun” and the poverty she called “food bank.” And there was evening and there was morning—the first day.
And Barbie said, “Let the suburbs put forth capitalism, markets yielding investors and Microsoft bearing computers which is their product, each according to its kind, upon the suburbs.” And it was so. The suburbs brought forth capitalism, Wall Street yielding investors according to their kinds, and Microsoft bearing computers in which is their product, each according to its kind. And Barbie saw that it was good. And there was evening and morning—the third day.
And Barbie said, “Let the highways bring forth swarms of cars, and let the Concordes fly above the suburbs in the smog.” So Barbie created the great minivans and every Land Rover and sport utility that moves, with which the highways swarm, according to their kinds, and every winged Concorde according to its kind. And Barbie saw that it was good.
And Barbie blessed them, saying, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the highways, and let the Concordes multiply in the smog.” And there was evening and there was morning—the fifth day.
And Barbie said, “Let the suburbs bring forth happy families and housewives according to their kinds: stock brokers and spin doctors and politicians according to their kinds.” And so it was. And Barbie made the politicians and the stockbrokers according to their kinds, and everything that distorts and manipulates according to its kind. And Barbie saw that it was good.
Then Barbie said, “Let us make CEOs in our image, after our likeness; let them have dominion over the cars of the highways and the Concordes of the smog, and over the stock brokers, and over the suburbs, and over every spin doctor that distorts and manipulates.”
And Barbie blessed the CEOs, and Barbie said to them, “Be fruitful and make profits, and fill the suburbs and subdue them; and have dominion over the cars of the highways and over the Concordes of the smog and over every happy family and housewife that moves upon the suburbs.”
And Barbie said, “Behold, I have given you every investor upon the face of the suburbs and every Microsoft with computers as its product; you shall have them for shareholders. And to every politician of the suburb, to every Concorde of the smog, to everything that has the breath of capitalism, I have given unto you for profits.”
And Barbie saw everything she had made, and it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning—the sixth day.
2 Thus the smog and the suburbs were finished, all the host of them.
And on the seventh day Barbie finished her work that she had done, and she went to the spa on the seventh day. So Barbie blessed the seventh day and hallowed it, because on it Barbie enjoyed shiatsu and facials and frappuccinos, resting from all her work which she had done in creation.