Eric’s Top Ten Reasons for Changing His E-mail Address

The Fiction
Summer, 2003 / No. 10
By Eric Squair
  1. I now have beautiful curly hair.
  2. I have lost 22.5 pounds in three weeks.
  3. I look and feel great in time for summer.
  4. I am currently retaining top-notch attorneys for pennies a day.
  5. I have been granted several Ph.D.s by prestigious educational institutions, based on life experience.
  6. I am on track to instantly win cool prizes from Hat World.
  7. I have recently had seventy-two hours of unlimited psychic advice (and I am a little tired).
  8. I have received my complimentary three-pound bag of M&M’s.
  9. Now that my breasts are bigger, men are noticing, and bathing suits fit me the way I want them to.
  10. I get too much spam sent to squair@interlog.com.
Eric Squair lives in Huron-Sussex. He works in communications and Web design for a multinational environmental organization. Last updated summer, 2007.